Never Have I Ever
by MrsCatherineWinter
Summary: It is Ginny's 16th birthday party and she and her friends are playing Never Have I Ever. It is very funny until they ask: "Never have I ever seen Professor Snape in a romantic way." And Hermione drinks... and then suddenly the whole school knows...
1. Chapter 1

_First of all, I have to admit that I am not a native speaker, so there might be a few mistakes, but if you were so kind as to write me a message to tell me of them, I would immediately correct them._

 _Disclaimer: All figures belong to Joanne K. Rowling and I don't earn my money with these stories._

 **Never Have I Ever**

Chapter 1

It was the middle of the summer holidays and Ginny Weasley's 16th birthday party. She had invited Harry, Hermione, Neville, Luna, and even her brother Ron was allowed to be there. They had a lot of fun, talking, laughing, drinking.

"Let's play _Never have I ever_ ," Ginny suggested after a while.

Everyone cheered – except for Hermione. She hated these kinds of games, like _Truth or Dare_ , because they could destroy friendships; but since this was her best friend's party she didn't complain – and besides, her friends already knew that she was boring.

"What's that?" Luna asked. "How do you play it?"

"Someone states a sentence," Harry started to explain. "For example, _Never have I ever been to London_. And now everyone who _has been_ to London yet, has to drink."

"So, you're drinking for lying?" Neville asked.

"Exactly," Ron told him.

"Everything's clear?" Ginny asked. "Yes? Okay, then I start." She casted a spell so that no one could lie. "Okay… Never have I ever copied my homework."

Everyone except Hermione and Luna drank.

"Well, I expected you, Hermione," Ron said. "But Luna? Why not?"

"No one ever let me…," she answered.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment, which Harry then interrupted by the next statement: "Never have I ever been to France before."

This time only Hermione and Luna drank a gulp. No one seemed to notice that Hermione's butterbeer had no alcohol in it.

"Ha!" Harry exclaimed. "I chose that on purpose so that you had to drink!"

"Thanks," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Next!" Ron shouted. "Mmmmm… Ah, never have I ever lied to someone."

This time everyone drank except Luna. Hermione had lied when they had asked her if she was in love with someone…

"Wow," Ginny said in amazement, looking at Luna.

"Well, my father told me if I lie a Doxy will come and bite me."

"Cool method," Neville said to avoid another uncomfortable silence.

"Hermione, it's your turn," Harry said.

"Alright. Um, never have I ever read a History of Magic." Hermione was the only one who drank. "I knew it!" she exclaimed. "You're all so lazy! How do you expect do get your NEWTs this or next year!?"

"Please, Hermione," Ginny cried. "Don't mention school here!"

"Never have I ever," Neville continued then, "kissed a girl."

All boys drank.

"Neville?" Ron asked surprised. "Who did _you_ kiss?"

"Um…," Neville turned red.

"Me," Luna helped him and took his hand, smiling.

"And me," Ginny admitted.

"What?!" Harry exclaimed. "When?!"

"After the Yule Ball in my third year," Ginny answered, smirking. "Don't be mad, my dear." She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek. "You're the best kisser in the world."

Harry beamed.

When Ron saw these two happy couples he leaned closer to Hermione…

"Forget it," she stopped him at once.

"Just checking…"

"Luna, your turn."

"Okay… Never have I ever seen a Nargle."

She was the only one who drank, not surprisingly. And no one told her that this animal probably didn't exist…

"Next round," Ginny said. "Never have I ever kissed a boy."

All girls drank and this time Hermione had to explain.

"Really?" she said. "I thought you'd know. I kissed Viktor!"

"I hoped you didn't," Ron muttered but was ignored. Everyone knew that he liked Hermione but that she wasn't interested in him at all.

"Never have I ever been faithful," Harry said.

All except Hermione drank, for they all already had a relationship. Ron had been together with Lavender last year until he had discovered his true feelings for Hermione… Lavender still hated her for that although it wasn't her fault…

"Never have I ever," Ron continued, "had sex."

"What the heck?!" Ginny screamed before drinking. Harry and Ron joined her.

"Sorry," Ron said. "I thought that would be interesting."

"It sure is," Harry admitted. "But still."

"We still wait," Luna said, smiling dreamingly at Neville who were as red as a tomato in the face.

"Too much information," Hermione cried and continued. "Never have I ever thrown up from drinking too much alcohol."

Everyone drank except her.

"What?!" she exclaimed. "Shame on you!"

The rest just laughed.

"Alright," Neville said. "Never have I ever had a crush on a teacher."

"Good one," Harry said until he saw that Ginny and Hermione were drinking. "What the hell?! Who?" he demanded, looking at his girlfriend and at his best friend.

"Our secret, right Hermione?" Ginny smiled.

"Yes," she replied relieved.

"Okay, now I'm curious," Luna said. "Never have I ever been in love with a teacher."

When Hermione drank there was a wild outburst from her friends. "Who? Tell us!" they screamed but she remained silent.

"Don't worry, guys," Ginny, who seemed to had already forgotten their former alliance, said with a smirk. "We'll find out. Never have I ever seen Professor Lockhart in a romantic way."

Hermione drank. "You're really mean, you know that!"

"But this can't be your love," Harry wondered. "It's only your crush. So, maybe: Never have I ever seen Professor Lupin in a romantic way."

They all stared at Hermione – but Ginny was the one who drank a sip.

"Ginny?!" Harry shouted.

"Oh, come on. He's a great guy." She smiled.

Harry shook his head. "Do I really know you?"

She just gave him a kiss. "Ron, you're next – I want to know with whom Hermione is in love."

"Okay," Ron thought about it for a moment. "Um… Flitwick?"

"Oh, Ron, please, that's disgusting!" Ginny cried.

"And this is now very mean," Luna defended her house teacher. "He's very nice!"

But anyway Hermione didn't drink.

"My turn," she grinned. "I know she's not a teacher but I still want to know: Never have I ever seen Madame Rosmerta in a romantic way."

When Ron drank, blushing very badly, they all laughed.

"Now, back to business," Ron said. "Neville, you have the next chance to find out about Hermione's secret love."

"Oh, Ron, please!" Hermione screamed.

"Hmmm…," Neville pondered. "The only person that I can think of, although I don't want to, is… Snape?"

Everyone watched Hermione – and everyone was shocked when she drank.

There was a grave silence when Hermione stood up and left the room…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was very silent outside of the burrow. Not one single cloud covered the sky, so Hermione could see all the stars and the moon. She tried not to cry but found it impossible. She just felt so humiliated and had the feeling that her friends would never understand. But it was true: She had been in love with Professor Severus Snape; for almost two years now…

Why did she even agree to play this stupid game?!

It's never your fault when you fall in love – it just happens! And for Hermione it had happened on one of her first night patrols as a prefect almost two years ago. She had been wandering around the castle's corridors, checking that no students were out late, when she had suddenly seen him. Professor Snape had been sitting at one of the windows, which he apparently had opened, breathing heavily and looking outside. The moon shone brightly so she could see his facial expression – and it had moved her in a way she had never thought to be possible. He had looked as if he would cry every second, his face was full of desperate agony.

Hermione had not dared to go over him although she had wanted to, and had just left, but in this moment she had realised that Snape was a normal human being with feelings!

After that night she had watched him more closely and after a while had noticed in shock that she actually liked him. When she had discovered his beautiful fingers, his smooth voice and his intelligent comments – it was very easy to fall in love with him…

"Hermione?"

She turned around to see that Harry was approaching her. She turned away again.

"Hermione, please don't cry," he said and offered her a handkerchief.

She took it to wipe away the tears from her eyes.

Harry put a hand on her shoulder. "I talked with the others and we might not understand why, but we decided that we will not annoy you with it and that we stay with you and that we won't tell anyone else." He smiled at her.

"Really?"

"Of course," he said and hugged her firmly. "You are our friend, no matter what."

"Thank you, Harry," she replied moved.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When the first of September arrived Hermione had almost forgotten the incident at Ginny's party – but only almost. Luckily, however, her friends were treating her as always and just ignored the fact that they knew. No one made a comment or even winked, not even when they were in the Great Hall and she finally saw Snape again. Two month of vacation are just too long when you're in love; a bit to her misery, though, her feelings seemed to have grown instead of weakened over the summer…

But then on Monday morning it happened.

"Hey, Hermione," Seamus shouted over the breakfast table when she sat down. "Is it true that you're in love with Snape?"

Lavender laughed unbearably mean.

She looked at Seamus bewildered. "Why do you think that?"

"Everyone's talking about it."

Hermione looked around her – almost everyone was staring at her, even the teachers at the staff table.

Snape wasn't there yet.

The panic grew inside her until she stood up and ran out of the Great Hall, the truth slowly thinking in: She was betrayed. One of her best friends had betrayed her…

She tried not to cry but it didn't work, so she hid in a bathroom, until Ginny found her.

"Hermione?"

She didn't answer but Ginny saw her anyway. She ran to her best friend and put an arm around her shoulders. "I heard what happened. You shouldn't hide, it will only feed the rumours."

Hermione shook off her arm and looked at Ginny angrily.

"What?" Ginny wanted to know.

"Who of you did it?" Hermione spat.

"Did what?"

"Told the others that I love Professor Snape."

Ginny looked puzzled at for a moment before realising what Hermione was indicating. "No!" she said at once. "I didn't tell anyone anything! And I can't quite believe one of the others did."

"But someone must have!"

"No…," Ginny seemed to get desperate. "There has to be another way."

"And which one?" Hermione snapped. "I won't talk to any of you until I know who betrayed me like this!" And with the door slamming behind her Hermione went out of the bathroom, leaving a crying Ginny behind.

The others tried to speak with Hermione as well but she stayed hard, especially when someone had just asked her again if it's true that she was in love with Severus Snape…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next day was even worse. Now truly everyone seemed to know and especially the Slytherins and Lavender made bad comments.

"Oh, please, please, Professor Snape!" Pansy shouted when Hermione entered the Great Hall in the morning, raising her hand like Hermione used to do it in class. "Please, let me tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Hermione looked at the staff table but again Snape was not there, yet. Her head red with embarrassment she sat down and tried to eat but couldn't. It was difficult to endure all these comments, especially because no one defended her since she had abandoned her friends; but she just tried to ignore everything around her.

When Snape entered the Great Hall, everyone became silent and stared at him.

He stopped at once and peered back frowning. "What's going on here?" he wanted to know.

No one answered.

"Walters!" he addressed a boy in his third year, who was considered a good student. "Tell me what is going on here!"

"Um, Sir…," Walters stammered but answered anyway. "We found out that Miss Granger is in love with you."

"Granger?" he asked surprised and looked at her.

She just started back at him, her eyes wide with fear.

He turned on his heels and left the hall.

After this incident Hermione was even more depressed. He had called her _Granger_ , not even _Miss Granger_ , just _Granger_ … He had to be disgusted by her and her immature feelings…

Being in the lessons wasn't that great as well, for the teacher looked at her curious or worried, wondering maybe if she had lost her mind. The best would have been to stay in bed the whole day but then she would have too much time to think about what had happened and probably couldn't stop crying. Here she tried to concentrate on the topics although it was difficult.

She thought it couldn't get any worse now and that maybe even in a few days the gossiping would stop – but she was wrong. It got much worse when she received an owl from Snape in the early afternoon.

 _Miss Granger,_

 _Come to my office at 8pm._

 _Prof. S. Snape_

Hermione stared at the paper in shock – he knew now and he would kill her for that…

So it was no wonder that she felt nervous and anxious the rest of the day and that she was shaking and feeling sick, when she stood in front of his door to knock.

"Enter!" Snape barked from the inside.

Hermione entered cautiously.

"Ah, Miss Granger," he said and pointed to the chair in front of his desk. "Do sit down, please."

Her fear only grew when she heard him being so polite. But she sat down anyway and just stared at him with wide eyes.

"Thank you for being here," he said severely. "I think we have something to discuss."

She only nodded shyly.

"So, Miss Granger," he began and looked her deeply in the eyes. "Tell me the truth: Are you in love with me?"

Her breathing quickened unnaturally.

"Please," he sighed. "I am not angry with you, just curious. … So?"

Again she could only nod and swallowed hard. Now he would definitely kill her.

He stared at her shocked. "Really?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Wow," he said, still shocked. "Wow." Then he focused again. "And why does the whole school know?"

"One of my friends betrayed me," she answered bitterly and then told him of Ginny's party and _Never Have I Ever_.

"I have never liked that game," he commented which made her smile slightly.

"I never wanted you to know it like this," she then whispered and looked carefully at him.

"You never intended on telling me at all, did you?"

"No, of course not," she snorted.

"Well, that would have been a shame," he admitted and then took a deep breath to announce: "To be honest I feel honoured by this and I am happy that at least someone really seems to like me." He smiled shyly at her.

"I do," she smiled back.

"But why?" he asked irritated.

"Um…," Hermione blushed. "I can't _say_ it."

"Then maybe later," he mumbled. "Would you like some tea?" he then offered.

"Yes, thank you."

A few minutes later they sat in silence, drinking their tea.

"So?" Hermione finally asked. "What now?"

Snape sighed. "You don't know me and I doubt that you would still love me if you knew me. Therefore," he continued louder, for Hermione wanted to interrupt him. "Therefore, I allow you to get to know me properly."

She smiled at once so he explained more.

"I won't be unusual nice or mean to you – I will just be me."

"That's perfect," she agreed. "It's more than I ever hoped for. I always wanted to get to know you."

He snorted. "We'll see."

"But how are we going to do that?"

He thought about it for a moment. "We could say that we're working on a project together, so no one will wonder why we will spend some time together."

"Or," she said, "we could really work on a project together."

"You want to work with me?" he asked surprised.

"Of course," she beamed.

"I'd love to read your mind right now," he shook his head.

"Then do it," she offered at once.

He stared at her. "Are you really that naive?"

"No," she replied calmly. "I just trust you."

"You shouldn't."

"We'll see," he quoted him, smirking.

"So," he continued, trying to end this conversation. "So, I will ask Dumbledore if we can do the project, and then you may come to my classroom every Friday evening at eight. Is that alright?"

"More than alright," she beamed and understood that it was time for her to go. "See you later, Professor," she said at the door. "And thank you for the tea."

"You're welcome," he nodded and after she had left his office stared for quite some time at the door where she just were…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dumbledore sat at his writing desk reading a letter from the Minister for Magic. He was so concentrated that he startled when someone suddenly knocked on his door. "Please, enter," he then called.

To his surprise his Potions Master came in.

"Severus," he greeted friendly. "Please sit down. What can I do for you?"

"I am here to ask for something," he stated formally.

"Do tell."

"I want to ask for your permission to work on a project together with Miss Granger."

Dumbledore blinked a few times. "I beg your pardon," he then said, still kind of shocked. "You want _what_?!"

"A project with Miss Granger. Isn't that what you always wanted me to do – supporting the excellent students?"

"Yes," Dumbledore admitted, "but why are you suddenly agreeing to that?"

"I just realised that this is Miss Granger's last year at Hogwarts and that she already knows all the important topics for the NEWTs. Therefore, I thought about giving her something else to do, so she won't fall asleep in my classes."

"Hmmmm," Dumbledore pondered. "Was this your own idea or did Miss Granger propose this?"

"Let's say we thought of it together," Severus replied.

The Head Master watched his teacher closely and even tried to read his mind but as always Severus had the perfect mask and his inner walls high. "Very well," he agreed at last.

Severus stood up at once, nodded his thanks and then left the office.

Something was wrong, Dumbledore knew, he just couldn't tell what – yet.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Hermione had gotten an owl from Snape on Wednesday evening, telling her that Dumbledore had agreed to their project idea and that she therefore could already come this Friday. And he had changed his mind that they better should meet in his office than the Potions classroom…

She had felt very nervous on Thursday and especially on Friday, so concentrating in the lessons had been even harder than the days before.

On Thursday she also had had her potions class which had been quite uncomfortable at first, for all her classmates had stared from her to Snape and then back again, waiting in silence if he would either make a mean comment or if she would burst into tears. But nothing like this had happened. Snape had completely ignored her and she had not even bothered to raise her arm when she had known the answer. But it had been better like this and after a while she had not even found it that bad – at least not worse than all the other classes she had had so far this week. But there was one thing she knew for sure: This was going to be a long school year…

Anyway, it was Friday evening, eight o'clock, now so Hermione stood in front of Professor Snape's office, knocking politely and trying not to hyperventilate from excitement and nervousness…

He opened the door, greeted her only with a nod and then stepped aside to let her in, which she of course did at once.

"I was thinking about what we could do," Snape then started matter-of-factly, "as our project and finally decided on searching for a better recipe on the Skele-Gro potion to improve the taste without changing its effects. I am not quite sure that we will succeed but I thought that it would be still interesting to research for it. What do you think?"

"Absolutely," Hermione nodded, still trying to ignore her agitation.

"Good," Snape replied. "Then I thought that maybe we could start today by making the potion once more in a very, very concentrated, attentive way for our further studies?"

"Yes, sure," Hermione agreed and put her bag and jacket on the chair next to Snape's writing desk. "Let's get started," she then said more enthusiastic than she felt to cover her true feelings.

"Yes," Snape said. "So we better go into the classroom."

Hermione laughed. "You're changing your mind again?!"

"Well," he replied at once, trying to hide a smile, "do you want to brew here?"

She shook her head, still lightly chuckling.

"Then let us go." He opened a secret door in his office that let them to the classroom – which actually was 100 feet away from his office but which seemed now to be right next to it!

"But… how?" Hermione wondered astonished.

"Magic?" he replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"Amazing," she beamed and entered the classroom.

Quickly they collected all the tools and ingredients they would need and started preparing them. They didn't need to speak that much, a few words were sufficient to understand each other. In silence they stood next to each other and either crushed or cut Chinese Chomping Cabbage, Puffer-fishes, Scarab Beetles or other animals or plants. It all worked fine until they actually wanted to start brewing the potion.

"Wait, please," Snape sighed when Hermione began heating the cauldron. "I can't."

"What's wrong?" she wanted to know and looked at him worried.

"I just can't… concentrate," he finally admitted and she saw that it wasn't easy for him to be this honest with her.

"Why?" she asked gently.

"This… um…," he tried, furiously blushing. "This just feels like kind of a… date…," he then whispered.

Hermione smiled. She had never thought that he would be that shy! "Shall I go?" she offered in a friendly way. "It's alright. If you don't feel comfortable around me then I should maybe better go."

"No," he surprised her. "No, I offered you this chance, so you will get it."

"Then we could just sit down, drink some tea and talk?" she suggested, smiling. "We can still brew the potion next week."

"Yes, yes," he agreed. "That's a good idea, I guess…"

So they put away the ingredients and tools and went back into his office to have some tea.

"Okay," Hermione started their talking when they both had sat down in silence, only dinking their tea for a few minutes. "I want to get to know you and you said that it would be alright, so may I then ask you some questions?"

"You asking me questions?" he said in a mocking voice. "Then we will never finish…"

"Ha ha," Hermione laughed. "Come on, you have to admit that I'm not that annoying anymore."

He smirked. "You're still a know-it-all."

"Still insufferable?" she asked boldly.

"We'll see," he grinned.

Then they stared at each other shocked when they realised what had just happened: They had talked with each other like friends and even somehow flirted.

Snape cleared his throat.

"May I ask you now, sir?" Hermione tried again in a calm, student-like voice, although she didn't like it, especially having to say _sir_ …

"You may, Miss Granger."

"First of all, I want to know if you want to get to know me, as well."

He thought about it for a moment. "Yes, I daresay I do."

"Why?" she asked at once.

"Because," he replied without showing his emotions, "I want to know what is wrong in your head that you could actually like me."

She smiled. "Do you think you could ever like _me_?" she then wanted to know with a vulnerable facial expression. "Or are you disgusted by me?"

"Miss Granger," he reasoned with her, "do you really believe that I would allow you our little project if I was disgusted by you?"

"Yes," she answered immediately. "You're too curious to just do nothing about the current situation. You said so yourself: You want to find out why I like you."

"That is true," he admitted. "But still… No, I am not disgusted by you, and whether I like you or not will be seen when I get to know you better."

"Thank you," she smiled.

They spent the rest of the evening asking each other basic questions such as birthdays, favourite food or music. To her surprise Snape was not even honest but also rather friendly – she had never seen him like this. Furthermore, there were even some moments where they could laugh about something, and she decided that she liked his laughter very much. He then always looked so happy and younger.

Hermione went back to her tower at midnight (being Head Girl gave her the permission to be outside after curfew).

"Good night, Miss Granger," Snape said at the door.

"Good night, professor," she replied, beaming. "It was a lovely evening."

He only nodded.

"I have one last question, though."

"Of course you have," he smirked.

"This evening, was it the real you?" She looked into his eyes, trying to find a lie.

"Yes," he said seriously.

"I like the real you," she then smiled and left.

"I like the real me, too," he whispered, lightly smiling, and closed the door behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It was the break before lunch. Hermione sat outside on a bench in the courtyard, reading, while her former friends sat together on the other side of the yard and laughed about something. She tried to ignore them but it was difficult. Over and over she read a certain sentence because she couldn't grasp the meaning of it…

"You should talk to them," someone suddenly said and startled her thereby.

Hermione looked up to see Professor Snape standing next to her. Apparently he was on break duty.

She couldn't hide a small smile, for they got along very well. Since their first meeting, which had been five weeks ago, she had been with him every Friday evening. They could even start with their brewing and researching. Hermione spent therefore a lot of time in the library – alright, this wasn't very unusual, but it made her happy.

From week to week their friendship grew.

"No, I won't," she then answered firmly to his question. She had spent a lonely birthday and the presents she had gotten from Harry, Ron and Ginny were still wrapped…

He sighed. "You're alone too often," he remarked. "If not always."

"Are you concerned about my well-being?" she asked, grinning.

He rolled his eyes. "Miss Granger," he replied in a mock-severe tone, "it is my duty as a teacher to be concerned about the well-being of _all_ my students."

Hermione merely chuckled.

"Do you have any idea who betrayed you?" he then wanted to know, looking angrily at her friends.

"No," she answered bitterly.

"Not even a hunch?"

"To be honest I don't want to think about it… It hurts enough to know that even one of them could do something like this…"

"I know but still… You should talk to them. Let them explain, maybe it was all a huge misunderstanding."

"No, I won't!" she repeated.

He sighed again. "Well, it's your decision."

"Yes, it is."

"Are you coming on Friday?" he then asked casually.

"Yes, of course," she said at once and smiled up at him.

"Good," he replied and just walked away.

Hermione could have been affronted by this but she was not – she knew him well enough by now to know that he didn't mean to offend her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It was Friday evening again and like always Hermione was very happy when she knocked on the door of his office – although she wanted to try something today that could make him angry…

"Enter!" he barked like every time but the moment he saw her his face lit up and he didn't look mean at all.

"Hello, professor," Hermione greeted, beaming, and sat down on the chair in front of his desk like usual.

"Good evening, Miss Granger," he replied with a nod. "Tea?"

"Do you really have to ask?" she laughed.

He just shrugged and made them both two hot mugs of Earl Grey.

When he had handed her the tea and had sat down again, he asked casually: "What do you want to talk about today?" They had agreed last week that they should have at least one evening without working on the potion; some kind of free time.

Hermione took a deep breath. "I already know a lot about you – I know which is your favourite tea flavour, where you like to spend your summers or what you dream of. But I have no clue about the… the dark things in your life."

"You mean my life as a Death Eater?"

"Not only that."

"What else then?"

"For example, Harry told me that the Marauders bullied you when you were in school… I'd just like to know about everything that deeply hurt you." She looked at him cautiously.

His eyebrows were raised. "This is very personal."

"I know," she whispered.

"Do you also have things that hurt you?"

"I think everyone does."

He nodded absent minded. "Shall I start then with my fighting parents?"

"If you want to…"

And so he did. He told her in all honesty but without any emotion about his always fighting and hating parents, how James and his friends had agonised him over and over again, how he had lost his one true friend (Lily, although he didn't say that it was Harry's mother and therefore named her Mary), and how it was being a real Death Eater.

In the middle of a gruesome tale how he was forced to torture and then kill a muggle woman, he finally showed Hermione his true emotions. His face was full of pain and self-disgust.

Therefore, Hermione placed her hand on top of his which was laying on the desk between them and squeezed it once to assure him that he wasn't alone.

"I think," he concluded, "that even without the murder of my best friend, I would have joined Dumbledore and the Order sooner or later. I just didn't realise what being a Death Eater meant when I was young. I only thought about the power and revenge I could have…"

Hermione sighed heavily. "I am happy that you're on our side now."

"Me, too," he replied and gave her a tiny smile. "Now then," he said louder, clearing his throat once, "tell me about your dark things. The things that hurt you."

"You mean besides my best friends who betrayed me?" she answered bitterly.

"You still don't know who it is?!"

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry," he said seriously.

"Thanks… Well, then something else… Oh, yeah," Hermione started sarcastically, "how about that my parents don't like that I'm a witch?"

"Why not?" he asked astonished – she was after all the brightest witch of her age!

"They're afraid of me… They're afraid that I could do horrible things when I'm angry… That I could hurt them or even kill them…" She started to cry heavily and Snape went over to her, helped her on her feet and then took her into his arms.

"Come here…", he whispered softly.

"The worst is that I myself am sometimes afraid of what I might do. I have the abilities to torture or kill. I know how _Avada Kedavra_ works, and it scares me… When the war against Voldemort will start I have to kill Death Eaters, don't I?"

Snape stiffened both at the mentioning of the Dark Lord's name and the meaning of killing Death Eater.

"But I don't want to," she whispered.

"You don't have to," he told her. "You could always stun us."

"Us?" She looked at him irritated.

"You said _Death Eaters_ ," he replied a bit hurt.

"In my opinion you're not a Death Eater," she smiled and embraced him firmly. "You're a hero."

He laughed bitterly but didn't say anything. They both merely enjoyed the others warm comfort and proximity until it was time for Hermione to go. But when they said goodbye something felt slightly awkward…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It was the last weekend in October which meant that the students were allowed to go to Hogsmeade. Hermione had pondered a while about going or not, for it would be a quite lonely stay without anyone to talk to. She had even considered asking Parvati and Lavender if she can go with them but soon had decided against it – it would have been too much enduring their stupid talking… In the end she didn't want to be the only one who stayed in the castle – then she would feel even lonelier – and therefore went.

It was very cold outside, so she wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and made her way to the little village in silence and complete solitude.

There she spent most of her time in the book shop. She didn't buy anything but nevertheless felt happy just looking at the books or reading the first page. Then she sat down in a small reading corner, took a piece of parchment and a quill out of her bag and started writing a list: _Why I love Severus Snape_. Since he had been so very honest with her the other night, she now also wanted to be honest with him and the one thing he always wanted to know about her was the reason of her feelings. So the next hour she spent with brainstorming and writing down every little detail that added to her admiration and adoration of this great, great man. In the end it was a rather long list and she already looked forward presenting it to him next Friday.

When her stomach grumbled and it was getting darker outside she decided to go back to Hogwarts for dinner. It was even more freezing now and so she walked quickly to get warm and be back sooner. But on her way she encountered someone who was walking in a normal speed in front of her.

"Hello, Professor Snape," she greeted him when she had reached him.

He nodded and tried to hide a smile. "Miss Granger."

"So, how was your day in Hogsmeade?" she asked casually and they started going back to the castle together. They walked now in his speed but Hermione wasn't feeling cold at all anymore.

"It was… interesting," he answered. "I spoke with an old friend who gave me some important information."

"So news for Dumbledore," she concluded at once.

"I guess so," he just replied.

"The question that remains is whether they are good or bad news."

He sighed. "Please, Hermione, I can't tell you even if I wanted to."

She stared at him with open eyes and mouth.

"What?!" he wanted to know.

"You just called me… _Hermione_."

He thought about it for a moment and then turned deeply red. "I am so sorry, Miss Granger," he apologised at once and looked rather desperate. "I have no idea what came over me, but I promise that it won't happen again."

"You don't have to feel bad," she smiled. "If you want you can always call me _Hermione_. I don't mind."

He looked relieved but then said severely: "I can't."

"I know," she replied immediately and gently so he didn't even have to explain why. "I understand."

"You do?"

She snorted. "Of course, I do. I'm not stupid."

He smiled. "No, you're not."

For a while they walked in silence through the wind. Soon they would see the castle behind the next bend through the small forest.

"So, how was your day?" Professor Snape then inquired.

"It was great," she beamed.

"Really?" He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Well… Let's say it was _okay_. Or maybe better _lonely_ …"

"I don't want to say it again but you really should talk to them."

"No! And if you tell me this one more time I will leave this instant and will never come back to our Friday meetings!"

"You wouldn't do that," he said at once, smirking.

She smiled. "Yes, you're right."

"So, what did you do in Hogsmeade?" he changed the subject.

"I went to the bookstore-"

He rolled his eyes. "What else…"

"-and worked on something for you."

"For _me_?!" he asked surprised.

"Yes," she grinned and then looked around for any unwanted listeners but they were completely alone. "I made a list with all the reasons why I love you."

He stared at her, because she said it so casually that she darned _loved_ him! He still didn't know how to cope with that… "Great," he said not very happily.

"I'll give it to you on Friday."

"No, please give it to me now."

"But, it's just my notes," she stammered. "There's no particular order in it, my hand writing is terrible and I'm pretty sure I forgot something."

"I know for certain, Miss Granger that you always work very efficiently and neat. So, please let me read it now."

She thought about it but wasn't sure.

"Come on," he said persuasively. "You have nothing to lose, have you?"

She snorted. "I have _everything_ to lose!" And because she now wanted to prove him how deep her feelings were, she fetched the piece of parchment out of her bag and handed it to him.

He didn't open it at once, for they now went through the gate with the flying boars and found Mr Filch. "She's with me," he snarled at the caretaker who wanted to search Hermione for illegal objects.

"Thanks," she told Snape when they had passed. "I hate when he comes so near, ransacking my bag and touching everything…"

"And maybe he would have found this parchment…," he added casually.

"Oh my god!" Hermione screamed. "I totally forgot about that… I'm so stupid…"

"I wouldn't say that," he comforted her. "But you should be more careful nevertheless."

She could only nod; her face suddenly very pale.

"May I read it now?" he then asked, teasing her.

"I kill you if you don't," she said through gritted teeth and her shock was totally forgotten.

He chuckled and started reading the parchment while still going on. "Wow," he said after a while. "These are a lot of reasons."

Hermione didn't say anything, just nodded turning slightly red.

"Do you want to hear my favourites?" he sneered, completely enjoying her embarrassment.

This was enough now! At cyberspeed she snatched the paper out of his hand. "I won't let you read this if you make fun of me!" she told him seriously and went quicker to leave him behind.

But with his long legs he could easily still walk next to her. "I don't need to read the list again," he told her coldly and then chuckled. "I remembered the best parts."

"Bastard," she murmured and started to ran away, hiding her upcoming tears. It was difficult enough to be honest with him without his meanness… Although, he did warn her he wouldn't be especially nice! But he was the last couple of weeks…

Anyway, Hermione ran – but only a few metres, for Snape had already overtaken her by then. He grabbed her arm to stop her and spun her around so she had to face him. "Hermione," he said seriously but was already interrupted by her wide smile. "What?" he wanted to know irritated.

"You said my first name again."

He groaned. "Listen," he started once more. "I am sorry. I never intended on hurting your feelings but I just don't know how to deal with this whole situation. I was and still am very surprised by so many reasons on your list, because it shows that your feeling are deeper and more profound than I ever feared. So now I know even less what to do with you. That's why I tried to override it with sarcasm because this is what I do in these situations, alright?"

She just nodded, completely dazzled by this total honesty.

"May I have the list back now?" he asked almost friendly.

"Why?"

"Because… because I'd like to keep it as a reminder that someone in this world cares for me."

She smiled, took his hand, placed the parchment into it and then closed his fingers gently around it and squeezed it lightly.

He slightly smiled but she saw that he felt uncomfortable so she released him soon.

"So," she then said happier, continuing to walk slowly: "What are your favourite reasons?"

He smiled a very small smile and replied: "Intelligence, courage and that you have the feeling I would always protect you."

"You would, wouldn't you?" she had to ask.

He sighed heavily. "If it is possible, yes." How could this even happen?! How could he have let down his guard so much that he now would protect her – even if it was _not_ possible…?

"Thank you," she beamed. "I can understand why _intelligence_ – everyone wants to be smart – but why _courage_? And for instance not that I find you good-looking?"

He chuckled. "First of all, looks is a very subjective matter, and second, I believe you exaggerated or even lied."

"I did not!"

"Anyway, you asked why _courage_. It's the one thing I always wanted to be, courageous, and it's the one thing barely no one credits me. There are a lot of people who think I'm a coward. So thank you for that."

"You're welcome," she smiled.

They didn't talk more, for they had almost reached the Entrance Hall and didn't want to have any secret listeners. When they had entered it their ways separated.

"Miss Granger," he nodded and even bowed a little bit for saying good-bye.

"Professor," she replied in the same way, dropping a little curtsy. "Thank you for your honesty."

"Thank you for the list."

"See you on Friday," she smiled.

He nodded again and quickly went to the dungeons entrance.

Hermione looked after him for a little while before turning to go to the Gryffindor Tower. But to her great surprise Harry and Ron stood on the staircase nearby and stared at her with open mouths.

"What the heck was that?" Harry wanted to know shocked.

"Did Snape just bow?" Ron added baffled.

"And what is on Friday?" Hardy asked.

"This," Hermione coldly replied while passing them, "is definitely none of your business," before leaving them behind and going back to the Gryffindor Common Room on her own.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Harry's and Ron's fears were unfounded because naturally nothing happened over the next weeks. Hermione still came to Snape's office or classroom every Friday but they felt that everything important was already said and concentrated on their project now. It was indeed difficult but they still made some progress and after a while became confident that with time they would succeed and many kids would profit by drinking a better tasting Skele-Gro.

It was already the middle of November when Snape did something that was completely out of his character: He helped Hermione – in total public.

"Draco…" Hermione said annoyed. "Please let me through."

Malfoy and his friends stood in the corridor blocking it completely. "Why should I?" he sneered coldly.

"Lesson starts in seven minutes!" she told him but he didn't care. "What do you want?!"

"Well…," Draco teased and came closer to threaten her. "We heard that you became friends with our lovely Potions Master."

"That's rubbish," she said at once but inwards panicked.

"Blaise saw you sneaking into his office last Friday!"

"I didn't sneak! I was there on an official issue."

"And what could that be?" Malfoy asked loudly, ridiculing, so that the students around them who were approaching could hear him. "What on earth could the best Potions Master in a century have to do with you? You – a filthy little _Mudblood_!" The word echoed through the corridors and the other Slytherins laughed.

She saw Neville who wasn't sure if he should interfere or not. She slightly shook her head to signal him that he shouldn't, and he seemed to understand because he quickly left the scene.

"So, Mudblood," Malfoy called her attention again, "what do you say now?" He grinned evilly.

"Only that it doesn't bother me when you call me a Mudblood. It is nothing to be ashamed of and your ignorance only shows your stupidity. So I will not be provoked by an arrogant, ignorant, spoilt, inconsiderate, mindless, stupid, low-life son of a Death Eater!"

This was too much for Draco – so he struck out and slapped her in the face.

There where gasps of the students around them and even the Slytherins didn't seem so sure of Draco's action – then there was a shocked silence.

Hermione held her cheek which burned like hell, and couldn't decide if she would cry or slash at Malfoy. In the end it wasn't her decision what happened next.

Out of nowhere Snape suddenly stood in front of Malfoy and glared at him as if he wanted to kill him.

Draco's mien changed at once from proud to submissive.

"Mr Malfoy," Snape said quietly but in his most dangerous voice. "If I see you hitting a girl ever again I will hex you into a defenceless slug. And if I hear you saying the word _Mudblood_ ever again I will cut out your tongue – without magic."

Draco paled because Snape was deadly serious.

When Snape whispered his last threat Crabbe and Goyle thought Draco would faint any second.

"And if I see you bother Miss Granger one more time I will hunt you down and make you wish that you were never born."

Draco swallowed.

"Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Snape looked around. "Go on!" he suddenly bellowed. "Here is nothing to see!" He turned again to Draco. "Same goes for you," he growled.

Malfoy and his friends literally ran away.

"Miss Granger, please follow me," Snape said indifferently and went with Hermione into a near classroom. When he had closed the door and they were alone his gaze changed from mean/bitter to worried/sympathetic. "Are you alright?"

Hermione just nodded, still holding her cheek. "Thank you," she whispered and didn't even noticed that she trembled.

Snape gently took her hand away from the cheek and looked at it but except that it was slightly red there was no wound – except for the one inside her. Therefore, he looked her straight in the eyes and slowly but seriously said: "Listen carefully now, Hermione: You are not worthless. You are an especially intelligent, warm-hearted, caring, great, beautiful person and no one – no one! – is allowed to treat you like Malfoy just did. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded slowly but nevertheless she was on the verge of tears.

Wordlessly he took her in his arms and she cried into his shoulder.

"It's alright," he whispered to comfort her while stroking over her hair. "Everything is alright now."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Severus hated this feeling although it had been his constant companion for almost 20 years now: His left arm hurt like someone had put acid on it – The Dark Lord wished to speak to him.

 _Why?_ was Severus first thought. Was there new information? Was Voldemort angry about something? Did he, Severus, do something? Or was this just a regular meeting to celebrate some major murder?

In the end it didn't matter whether Severus knew what was awaiting him or not, for he couldn't change it. So he took his Death Eater mask and hurried out of the castle, over the now evening-dark meadows and into the Forbidden Forest where he could apparate. He touched his Mark and the next moment he was gone.

He reappeared in a very dark room, even darker than the Forbidden Forest, so he wasn't able to see anything at first. Then there was a candlelight, which barely spent some light. And then he saw his Master sitting in a throne in front of him, looking very displeased.

Severus knelt at once, as humble as possible. "My Lord," he said in his best servant voice.

"Rise, Severus," he was told coldly and so he stood.

Patiently Severus waited for Voldemort to say more. But when he did he had to control himself not to pale in panic.

"I've heard something I can't say I like," Voldemort said.

"Which is?"

"That you stood on this mudblood's side against Draco Malfoy."

Severus remained silent.

"Is this true?!"

"Yes, my Lord." It was useless to lie.

" _Yes?!_ " Voldemort seemed surprised. "And why did you do something disgusting as this?"

Severus was happy about his intelligence which allowed him to think very quickly. "It was only to calm down Dumbledore. Once in a while he gets suspicious of me so I do something in order to proof my loyalty. With this rather heroic gesture I hoped to soothe him for the rest of the year." As he spoke he looked Voldemort seriously in the eyes and in the end it seemed to work.

"Very well, Severus," the Dark Lord finally spoke. "I believe you; I already thought it was something like this. But please, in the future, try to do something less disgraceful as helping a mudblood."

"Yes, my Lord," Severus said with a bow. "It won't happen again."

"Good. You may leave now."

And with one last bow Severus disapparated. Only when he was back in the Forbidden Forest, seen by no one, did he breathe heavily. That was very close… He had to be more careful from now on!

He'd love to go back to his dungeons at once but he had made a deal with Dumbledore that he, Severus, would tell the old Headmaster always immediately of his latest Death Eater meeting, no matter what time. So through the darkness he went to Dumbledore's office and knocked.

"Yes," Dumbledore said and Severus entered. In not so many words he then described what had happened and waited for Albus' reply.

"So you helped Miss Granger with Draco Malfoy?" the old man finally said, raising an eyebrow.

Severus groaned. "Yes, I did. What is so bad about that?! You always wanted me to be nice and now that I show some mercy with the little brats you don't like it either!"

"Oh, I do like this new side of you," Dumbledore said twinkling. "But I wonder why it always has something to do with Miss Granger…"

Severus shook his head furiously. "Just a coincidence! … It's late, I'm going to bed now." And so he left the office, slamming the door loudly.

Dumbledore had the feeling as if he had just caught Severus with something…


	12. Chapter 12

_For all those who can't wait any more: Soon something major is going to happen and the mystery will be solved – although this won't be the end… But sometimes a story needs a bit of time to develop…_

Chapter 12

Hermione was in the library, reading quietly when someone approached her and sat down opposite of her at the little table.

"Hey," Ginny said uncertain.

Hermione shortly looked at her, then back to her book. "Hello," she replied coolly.

"How are you?" Ginny asked.

"Fine," She answered without looking at the red-haired.

"Please, Hermione, look at me!" Ginny therefore cried.

Hermione reluctantly did so. "What?!"

"I… We are worried about you."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're always alone," Ginny said. "Please believe us that no one of us gave away your secret, and talk to us again!"

"But someone must have said something about it!" Hermione spat. "Otherwise the whole school wouldn't know!"

"I understand your point of view," Ginny started but was interrupted at once.

"Do you?" Hermione said sceptically.

"Yes, I do!" Ginny became slightly angry now. "We don't know either how this could have happened but we're trying to find out."

"Fine."

"But maybe you could help us by talking with us again."

"No, I won't!" Hermione snapped, stood up, took her book, said: "And that's my final word!" and left.

"Fine!" Ginny shouted after her. "Then stay stubborn if you like it that way!"

Only when they both were alone again they showed their real emotions and started to cry…


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It was Friday evening, nine o'clock, and Severus was desperately trying not to panic, for Hermione wasn't here, yet. He had tried to concentrate on something else than her absence – grading essays, reading, preparing lessons – but all in vain: His thoughts kept coming back to Hermione and with every minute passing without her knocking on the door he got more and more worried. What if something had happened to her? Malfoy? Any other Slytherin? Weasley?

But then another thought always crept into his consciousness: _Maybe she doesn't want to come to you anymore? Doesn't want to spend time with you anymore? Because she doesn't like you anymore._

She shook his head furiously. So what? He didn't care about her!

 _Oh yes, you do…_ It was very difficult to fool himself.

At half past nine he couldn't stand it anymore and stormed out of his office. Where could she be? There were only two options: Gryffindor Common Room or the library. If it was the first he wouldn't go inside and talk with her but if it was the second – and she was alone! – why not. So he went to the library where Madame Pince sat at her desk near the entrance and read a book.

"Is Miss Granger here?" he asked at once.

Madame Pince looked at him dazzled, blinked a few times and then pointed to the Restricted Section. "There."

Severus nodded a thanks and quickly went to where she had pointed. It wasn't difficult to find her, for barely no one was still here: She was sitting at one of the tables in the last corner, a few open books and notes spread over it – and slept.

Severus couldn't hide a smile when he saw this. He went over to her and saw with one glance that she had researched for their project.

"Hermione?" he whispered automatically, then corrected himself: "Miss Granger?" He shook her shoulder lightly and she mumbled: "Lemesleep."

He blinked a few times, then granted her her wish. He packed her notes and quills in her bag, put the books back into their shelves, and helped Hermione onto her feet.

She opened her eyes a bit. "What-?" she started.

"I'll bring you to your room", he explained.

"Bed", she murmured, smiling, leaned against his arm and slept on.

He shook his head – how could one be so tired? – and went with her out of the library, almost completely carrying her.

"Everything all right?" Madame Pince wanted to know worriedly.

"Yes, yes", Severus brushed her off. "She just needs sleep."

"Poor thing."

Outside the library he put an Indivisibility-Charm around them and started carrying Hermione in his arms – it was easier, quicker this way and students wouldn't see them.

 _And it's closer…_ , his unconsciousness thought but he tried to ignore it. Although she was, indeed, very near…

Severus gulped and went quicker to the Room of the Head Girl near the Common Room. There she put her in her bed and put the blanket over her.

"Thank you", Hermione then mumbled and snuggled herself into her pillow.

Severus smiled, stroked gently over her cheek and whispered: "Your welcome, my dear."

On his way to his office he wondered why it was so easy for him to be nice in her presence – because he normally wasn't nice to anyone at all…


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

On Saturday morning when Severus reordered the glasses on the shelf in his office, a sudden knock on the door destroyed the silence. He wondered who that could be, for it wasn't even time for breakfast yet, but replied "Enter" anyway.

In came an extremely worried Hermione who started apologising at once without even saying _Hello_. "I am so sorry I didn't come yesterday. And I am sorry I fell asleep and that you had to bring me to my room because I was so tired and –"

Severus stopped her by raising his hand and went to her. "There is nothing to apologise for, Hermione," he said calmly.

When she grinned slyly he noticed his mistake at once. He sighed heavily. "Alright, why don't we call each other by our first names when we're alone?" Then he muttered: "Well, I'll do it anyway…"

"Very well… Severus," she replied, smiling.

Hearing her say his first name was for both of them strange but they both knew that they would get used to it – and that they wanted to.

"So, please tell me why you were so extremely tired," Severus then asked gesturing her to sit down and did the same on the other side of the desk.

"I had a nightmare," Hermione answered.

"What about?"

"Voldemort…," she whispered.

There was a grave silent for a few seconds before she continued: "Lately, I often dream of him or the war in general. I am afraid that a friend could die… or the person I love…" There she looked him firmly in the eye.

He had to swallow before he could answer. "Dumbledore once said to me: _It doesn't do to dwell on dreams and forget to live._ "

"I realise that," she smiled. "I just wanted you to know."

"Would you like some tea?" Severus quickly asked to get out of this awkward situation. Yes, he liked her. He liked her very much indeed – but he still wasn't used to her honest and open love for him.

"Yes," she replied warmly. "Thank you."

When he came back with the tea they drank a sip before Hermione asked: "Oh, by the way, how could you get into my room yesterday evening?"

"That was easy," he answered smirking.

She just raised an eyebrow.

He sighed and then chuckled: "There is a central password for all the doors in Hogwarts. Only the teachers know it and it is only for emergencies."

"And yesterday was such an emergency?" Hermione asked lauging.

"Well, you couldn't even walk because of your tiredness, so I didn't even try getting a useful word out of you."

She snorted but smiled. "So," she said in a playful innocent voice. "You could just come into my room whenever you want to?"

"Theoretically yes."

"Well, you're always welcome," she told him smirking.

He cleared his throat. "Um… Thanks…"

They drank the rest of their tea in silence, both captured in their own thoughts, when a clock suddenly announced that it was eight o'clock – time for breakfast.

"So," Hermione said getting up. "I better go upstairs before Harry and Ron start looking for me." Then she realised what she had just said and her face fell.

Severus stood up as well and escorted her in silence to the door. "You need your friends," he there told her in a soft voice. "You're not the person who can be alone all the time."

"I know," she said and blinked away her tears. "But I can't just forget what happened. And besides," she quickly continued, for Severus already wanted to interrupt her, "you also shouldn't be so alone all the time."

"Well, I have you now," he murmured mindlessly.

"That's true," she whispered back meaningfully.

They looked each other in the eye, for the first time completely realising that they had become friends and now depended on each other's presence.

Then Hermione leaned forward and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for bringing me to bed yesterday," she said gently and quickly vanished out of his office.

Severus was so shocked that it took him several minutes before he could close the door and sit down at his desk.

This girl would be his ruin – his lovely, heart-warming ruin.

* * *

 _Next chapter we'll finally find out who betrayed Hermione – any last guesses? Little hint: Be creative!_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Severus was on his way to his private rooms. This had been such an annoying day – how could there be so many stupid students in only one school?!

He was hurrying down the corridors in the dungeons when suddenly he heard laughter.

"Oh, this is amazing," someone sneered. "Who would have ever thought that this would happen?"

Severus peeked around the next corner and found Draco and his friends standing in a circle. Draco was holding something quite small to his ear.

"Crabbe, write this down," Draco suddenly commanded. "Potter wants to sneak out tonight… to visit Hagrid… to ask him about Granger."

Crabbe was writing it down eagerly.

"I guess we should inform Snape about this," Draco said grinning evilly. "I love when Gryffindor loses house points. But the best thing about this little thing is," he said looking at the small black device in his hand, "that Granger has no friends anymore!" He laughed again loudly.

 _So this is the solution_ , Severus understood and quickly went to the evil trio. "Well, Mr Malfoy," he addressed his student and tried not to show his anger. "It seems you possess something that you should as soon as possible give over to me." He opened his hand.

Draco who had hid the wire behind his back as soon as he had heard Severus' voice was now trying to look innocently.

"I am waiting," Severus said annoyed and moved his fingers.

Finally, Draco handed over the small device with a very sad look in his face – he probably had grown very attached to this thing which made evil plans so easy.

"100 points from Slytherin," Severus then announced (and would probably regret this at the end of the year when Gryffindor would win the House Cup) but right now he only thought of Hermione and her bitter feelings of betrayal.

His students just stared at him in shock – was this really their always Slytherin favouring professor? Or was he under the Imperius curse?

"Now get off, you fools," Severus shouted and Draco and his friends ran away. He probably could have said more to them but it was just easier to subduct 100 points.

 _Oh, god, 100 points_ – this girl wasn't just his ruin – it was the ruin of the whole Slytherin house…


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Hermione was in the library when a house elf suddenly appeared and almost gave her a heart attack.

"Are you Miss Granger?" he asked.

"Uh, yes," she answered when her heart had calmed down again.

"A letter for you, miss," he said, gave her a piece of parchment and then vanished again.

"A letter?" she mumbled and opened the parchment. The letter consisted only of a few words written in a most elegant handwriting.

 _Dear Hermione,_

 _please come to my office as soon as possible._

 _S._

 _Severus_ , she knew at once. _As soon as possible_. Why? Did something happen?

Her heart started racing again and only a few moments later she was running out of the library and to the dungeons. With every step her worries grew – why else would he wish to see her, he had never summoned her before – he had to be in trouble! She ran as quickly as she could and when she stood in front of his office she didn't even bother to knock but instead just stormed right into it, crying: "What happened? Are you alright?"

Severus sat at his desk and looked unharmed but now alarmed. Then he realised what was the matter with her. "No, I'm alright," he told her with a smile. "Please, close the door – I have some good news to tell you."

Confused she closed the door and sat down in front of his desk. What good news should that be? That he liked her? That he even… began to love her? She tried to stay reasonable but her hopes galloped away with her…

"I've found out who betrayed you," he then announced and all her romantic thoughts vanished at once.

"What!" she cried with an open mouth. "Who?!"

"It was Draco Malfoy."

"But he wasn't present at Ginny's birthday party!"

"Or so you thought." And then he told her all about the wire and how Draco had spied on Harry since the beginning of summer.

"Oh, my god," Hermione gasped. "I can't believe it…"

"Well, if it comforts you, I subducted 100 points from Slytherin," Severus told her proudly.

She stared at him in shock. "You did _what_?!"

And when he only grinned at her she started to laugh and cry at the same time. "I can't believe it… I have to see my friends!" she then said and stood up.

Severus, ever the gentleman, rose with her and escorted her to the door.

"Thank you!" she said at least and hugged him firmly.

"Your welcome…" he managed to say although it was difficult with her proximity…

When Hermione had left him she went straight into her room and wrote to all her friends from the party a letter in which she kindly asked them to come to the Room of Requirement this evening, for she, Hermione, wanted to talk with them about what had happened…

When she had sent the letters via owls she just hoped that they would come.

But they were still her friends – so they all came.

Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna now stood in front of her in the Room of Requirement and waited for her to say something.

"Well," she started trying not to cry, "I've asked you to come here because I found out who betrayed me."

They all were stunned and looked at each other – no one had suspected any of them.

So Hermione quickly told them the same story Severus had told her earlier: about Draco and his wire…

"Harry," she then said. "May I try and find the thing?"

He just nodded – he had been spied on for almost half a year?! He needed to tell Dumbledore immediately after this meeting!

"Accio Draco's wire!" Hermione said pointing her wand at Harry. And to all of their surprise a tiny black device flew from Harry's left ear into Hermione's hand.

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed. "I swear I never noticed!"

"I know," Hermione smiled. "I am so sorry," she suddenly cried tears streaming down her face. "It's all my fault – I was so stupid. You all were innocent and I made you guilty. I can understand if you don't want to be friends with me anymore but I am _really_ sorry for what I did!" She looked at her friends who gave each other a short glance, then nodded – and embraced Hermione in one big group hug.

"We'll always be your friends," Harry said. "And not even Draco Malfoy can destroy that." The rest nodded in agreement and smiled widely.

"Thank you," Hermione cried and hugged them firmly back. "Thank you all so much!"


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

It was Christmas Eve and Hogwarts was having its traditional Christmas Ball. Like always the twelve fir trees were decorated festively and the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall looked as if it was snowing right into it – but of course this was only a charm. Little ice fairies danced through the air and everyone, no matter if student or teacher, stood at the entrance for a while with an open mouth when they saw this incredible beautiful room as they entered.

Hermione had a lot of fun. Now that her friends were back everything was perfect, well almost. They laughed together, all happily and Harry, Ron and even Neville asked her to dance with them. It was amazing and in this moment she fell really pretty with her blue dress with silver small stars on it which flew around her while dancing. Her hair was pinned up with a few strains falling into her face gracefully.

Severus stood with folded arms in one corner of the room, dressed like always, and searched the Hall for students who were up to no good. Doing this he spotted Hermione, of course, and was shortly out of breath when he saw her. She was so beautiful and now that her genuine smile had appeared again on her face even more so.

He thought his heart might stop when she left her group of friends and came over to him. "Hi," she greeted beaming.

He nodded at her. "You look wonderful tonight," he said quietly and knowing that he would blush but didn't care.

She to his great joy blushed too. "Thank you," she stammered. "Do you want to go outside?" she then asked and nodded to the door at the Entrance Hall which would bring them outside into the courtyard.

He nodded and they went outside whit nobody noticing them – or so they thought.

They found a bench where no one could see them and sat down.

It was very cold outside and soon Hermione shivered in her light dress so Severus gave her his cloak.

"Thanks," she smiled. "But will you be all right without it?"

He nodded although it was freezing.

Hermione then sighed and looked up into the sky which was full of stars tonight. "This is beautiful."

Severus didn't look into the sky but instead into her face and agreed. "Yes, it is."

She looked at him and beamed. "It's so good to have my friends back," she chatted. "I don't feel alone anymore. Although, when I was with you I never felt alone at all."

He smiled at that and she took his hand.

"You're letting me?" she asked after a while when he didn't do anything to free his hand from hers.

"Yes," he whispered his heart beating fast.

Hermione smiled before asking him in a serious tone: "Do you only like me because I like you?"

He shook his head at once. "No, I even liked you before. I think I've always liked you." And then he lifted his hand to her cheek and gently put a wisp of hair behind her ear.

She was smiling at him also with a fast pounding heart and slowly their heads moved closer…

Suddenly someone coughed and they both jumped apart. To their huge horror it was Dumbledore who stood not two metres in front of them and looked very stern. "Miss Granger, Severus, follow me into my office."

They looked at each horrified – Hermione quickly returned Severus' cloak to its owner –, then followed the headmaster without once glancing at the other.

It was all so unfair! Hermione thought. She finally had her friends back – now she would lose Severus? Why couldn't she have both? She feared for him to be sacked and her to be expelled. She never wanted any of this to happen. And it was her fault because she had started it, coming to him, talking to him, feeling for him… It was all her fault…

"Please sit down," Dumbledore told them when they had entered his office. "Now, would you be so kind as to tell me what happened back in the courtyard?"

Neither Hermione nor Severus spoke. They once looked at each other shortly but remained silent.

"Your silence shows me that my assumptions are correct," Dumbledore finally said. "You would have kissed if I hadn't prevented it, wouldn't you?"

Silence.

"Wouldn't you?!"

Hermione nodded quietly but Severus looked directly at the headmaster and confirmed with a clear voice: "Yes."

Hermione stared at him with a small smile. He didn't deny it! He would have kissed her!

Dumbledore coughed again and Hermione's smile quickly vanished. "I neither intend on expelling our brightest student in her last year nor firing my most important teacher who would eventually be killed if I did."

Severus swallowed. His job – his position as a spy – was the only reason Voldemort hadn't murdered him yet… It was his life.

Dumbledore sighed heavily. "So I will give you a second chance. Till the end of the year, so the day Miss Granger graduates from this school, you will not see each other in private or talk to each other when alone. Miss Granger will not stay longer after a lesson when there is no one else left. You will not seek each other's presence. Is that understood?"

"Yes," Hermione and Severus answered quietly.

"Good," the headmaster said. "If you violate my rules you will be expelled and fired – permanently."

They both nodded.

"Then Miss Granger, please go back to your dormitory now. Severus, I need to speak to you."

So there was no other option for Hermione to stand up and quietly leave the office. "Thank you, Professor Dumbledore," she silently said at the door. Then her gaze went to Severus who looked as unhappy about all this as she felt. "Goodbye," she whispered, a tear dropping out of her eye, and then left the office closing the door behind her and feeling thereby as if someone she knew and loved had just died…


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

From this day on there was a different Hermione – a very sad one, who became quite quiet – even in classes! – and who no one of her friends could cheer up.

"What's wrong?" Harry and Ron asked her almost daily but she would only shake her head.

No one could know that she missed Severus and that it almost killed her to be so cut from him. Her only solace was rather selfish: Whenever she saw Severus (in classes or in the Great Hall) he seemed to be as sad as she was and that gave her hope that he actually loved her although he was forbidden to show it.

The rest of the school suffered as well from this kind of break-up, for Severus in his rage and sadness had never taken so many points before – and even from the Slytherins… A lot of rumours started to spread why he was suddenly even more bitter and grumpy then he used to be but not one of them even got close to the actual reason.

Severus still worked on their project; he didn't want it go to the waste and he felt closer to Hermione during his research. Sometimes he would imagine her being with him in the same room…

But after a while he was stuck. He looked at several books, asked his old professor of Potions but couldn't find even a clue. Therefore, he saw only one chance in trying to get on. And although it was a risk he finally did it.

"Miss Granger," he said after the next potions class. "Please stay."

She first looked at him with widened eyes – in class they never talked with each other and she only glanced secretly at him – but then nodded.

When the rest of the class had left them alone Severus said: "I have a problem with our project."

"You know we're not allowed to be alone," she quickly told him.

Now his eyes widened. "I forgot," he exclaimed and stood up. "Then, let's go outside where are others."

She nodded in agreement and they left the classroom and went to the Entrance Hall where there were always students.

"What problem?" she then asked.

"Remember that we thought of adding peppermint to the potion to improve the taste?"

"Yes, because peppermint is neutral," she automatically replied like she was in class.

He had to suppress a smile. This was one of the reasons why he loved her… "So, I tried it, I brew the potion with peppermint – and it didn't work."

"But I was absolutely sure!" She looked rather frustrated.

"Me, too," he admitted. "And I don't know what else to try. I've looked at the best potions books and even asked my old professor."

"I'll think about it," she promised determined.

"That was what I had hoped." He slightly smiled at her.

She automatically replied his smile until she heard a sudden cough from the entrance to the Great Hall.

Dumbledore stood there and glared at them sceptically.

"Miss Granger," Severus nodded at her quickly and hurried away.

Hermione stayed where she was and looked after him with sorrow.

"I know it's hard," Dumbledore, who now stood next to her, quietly said. "But I hope you understand my reasons for forbidding it."

Hermione looked at him shortly, sighed heavily and whispered. "I do, but I still don't like it."

"Students have to be protected," the headmaster firmly said, "sometimes even from themselves."

Hermione couldn't stand it anymore and ran away, outside into the large gardens and to the Black Lake.

The next morning as Severus drank his coffee at the breakfast table an owl brought him a letter. Irritated he unfolded the piece of parchment and raised his eyebrows as he recognised the handwriting at once. He looked at her seat but she wasn't here, yet.

 _Dear Professor Snape,_

 _You should try to add thyme. I found a book in the Restricted Section which gave me the idea (Mann, Melanie: Different herbs of Bavaria. Munich, 1976)._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Hermione Granger._

Her formal tone hurt him but he decided that this letter was better than nothing.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

A few days later nothing had changed. Hermione was sad and Severus boiling with anger – at his own stupidity. How could he have almost kissed her in front of Dumbledore? Where had his brain been?! Well, he knew where it had been but that didn't make it better. He had never lost control before and it kind of scared him that Hermione had this power over him…

It was late at night but Severus didn't want to go to bed, yet. He knew he couldn't sleep. So otherwise he sat in his armchair in front of his chimney and just stared into the flames. The more he thought about her, the more he felt the urge to throw his glass of wine into the burning fire – but he couldn't stop thinking about her…

Only an owl at his window distracted him from his bitter thoughts. He stood up, opened the window and took the letter from the tiny owl who hooted at him shortly before flying away again.

Severus sat down, opened the letter and smiled. It was from his friend Marcus, a wizard he knew from the Potions Club which met twice a year to discuss the latest discovery in the complex science of potion-making. They had met last week on Boxing Day but Severus hadn't been feeling well enough to go…

 _Dear Severus,_

 _I was very disappointed by your absence last week – I had hoped to discuss with you the new idea by Professor Mettlethought and his Boomslang-Potion. I just hope you didn't feel unwell or were even sick but that you only had no time for us._

 _Anyway, the reason I am writing is because of our newest member. Her name is Charlotte of Avenham. She finished her university diploma in Potions last summer and was one of the best. She is really a charming young lady, 27 or 28, I guess – and she wants to meet you! I told her a lot about you and she seemed quite interested in you. I know that you always say you don't need a woman in your life – but Severus, everybody does! So I told her only the best of you and she'd really liked a date with you… She is handsome, intelligent, confident, quiet (I know how much you hate loud, babbling students) and just lovely. She's interested in reading, cooking, fantastic animals and potions brewing and researching, of course._

 _So, old chap, if you are interested just write her an owl – she is rather the uncomplicated type of girl. And I personally think you two would make an excellent match – she being one of the few women in the world who could be the one to make you happy again, and there is nothing I wish more deeply._

 _Take care, old friend,_

 _Marcus_

 _PS: I kill you on our next meeting if you don't ask her out!_

Severus chuckled at that last statement. Marcus always tried to find him a wife, for he was happily married.

But then his smiled faded away and he started into the flames. _Loud and babbling students…_ Should he do it? Should he go on a date with Charlotte? She seemed perfect for him – but what about Hermione? …


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It was the ninth of January and Severus' birthday. A day be neither hated nor celebrated – he just ignored it. He had never had real friends who would remember his birthday and then even congratulate him or give him presents. Except for Lily maybe but that was over twenty years ago…

The only person in Hogwarts who knew of his birthday was Dumbledore because the date stood in his file. But the headmaster had finally understood that it was better not to mention it to the Potions Master, for his first attempt of congratulating him had ended in a shouting Severus and a sulking Dumbledore…

Therefore, this day normally was like every other of the year. But not today. For as Severus sat in the teachers' room after dinner reading the Evening Prophet an owl knocked on the window.

Minerva opened it and let the bird inside who then directly flew to Severus delivering a small letter to him.

Severus looked up surprised. He identified the owl as one of the school owls, so the letter had to be by someone from Hogwarts. Maybe one of his Slytherins needing help – or just attention… But when he laid the newspaper aside and took the letter in his hands he recognised the handwriting at once. It was Hermione's. With a fast beating heart, he opened the piece of parchment and read the rather short letter.

 _Dear Professor Snape,_

 _Happy Birthday. Let your next year in life be full of joy and brilliant ideas._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Hermione Granger_

Severus smiled despite her formal address. She had congratulated him, she thought of him, obviously still liked him. He was always glad for every glance she secretly gave him, every word she said in class, every single letter she wrote him. Anything to feel near her although he couldn't…

Sunk in thoughts and grinning broadly while reading the letter again and again, he didn't notice Minerva leaving the teachers' room – and someone else entering it.

"Good news, Severus?" Albus chuckled.

Severus looked at him shocked and probably guilty, for the headmaster raised his eyebrows questioning. And without a word but with full comprehension he held out his hand and Severus reluctantly handed over the letter. He could have resisted, of course, but since his job meant his life and Dumbledore was the person who decided over his further employment or not, he didn't really have a choice, did he?

The headmaster read the letter and sighed. "Is this the first letter by Miss Granger?"

Severus gulped involuntarily. "The second…"

"I'm going to write her to stop this," Albus announced.

"What?" Severus shouted surprised. "But why? You saw for yourself how innocent her words are!"

"Are they? Are they indeed?"

Severus looked away.

"I can see what these words do to you and thus, this also falls under the prohibitions of this school. I cannot and will not control the letter correspondence of Hogwarts. Therefore, I unfortunately have to forbid it."

"Why are you of all people so against love?" Severus asked accusingly, standing up straight.

"Because, simply, it is against the rules."

"And what about Potter?!" shouted Severus getting angry. "He has violated the rules many times over the last years and never has been punished for that. On the contrary, he even got _Special Awards for Services to the School_!"

"I can understand your anger, Severus. But I know that you can also understand the importance of rules. Especially this one."

The Potions Master sighed. "I don't deny that I can understand the forbidding of a teacher-student-relationship and I perhaps should apologise for my previous actions. I know I should be ashamed of almost kissing her. But I can absolutely not understand what you have against simple letters?! How else can we… we… survive?!"

Albus looked at him over his half-moon glasses sceptically. "You don't really love her, do you?"

Severus narrowed his eyes, then snorted disapproving, snatched the letter out of the headmaster's hand and stormed out of the teachers' room.

How did he dare to impute this to him?!

* * *

The next morning Hermione received an owl at breakfast. She glanced at the teachers' table at once but Severus wasn't there yet. Maybe this letter was his response? But the content differed extremely from what she had expected.

 _Dear Miss Granger,_

 _please feel informed that it is also prohibited to be in a letter correspondence with Professor Snape._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Albus Dumbledore_

Silent tears started to roll over her cheeks and onto her plate. Now she had no possibility of communicating with him at all…


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Professor Dumbledore sat in his office and tried to write a letter. But he was too tired to concentrate enough on this task. He sighed heavily, rubbed his eyes and looked around his office. The former headmasters of Hogwarts were either sleeping or visiting other portraits, so Dumbledore was alone.

It was therefore his great joy when someone knocked on his door. "Please enter," he called and a moment later his favourite student came in. "Good evening, Harry."

"Good evening, Professor Dumbledore," the boy greeted politely.

"Do sit down," Dumbledore offered and Harry obeyed. "What is on your mind, Harry, that you come visit me at this late hour?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably on his seat before he started speaking: "It's about Hermione."

Dumbledore tensed at once. "Is Miss Granger in trouble?" he cautiously asked.

"I'm not sure," Harry replied. "For weeks now she seems to be extremely depressed. She's hardly eating anything, she doesn't sleep well and she even doesn't study that hard and precise as she used to. Last week she even forgot to write her Charms essay and for her Transfiguration essay she only got an E!"

Dumbledore sighed. He had heard from Filius, Minerva and other teachers how Miss Granger seemed to sink into a deep black hole and no one knew neither why this was happening nor how one could help her. Everyone was so concerned that they had discussed her behaviour last week in their monthly teachers' conference. All the time Severus had stared at him hatefully…

"We tried everything," Harry went on desperately. "We tried to comfort her or to cheer her up or even let her annoy us as she wishes but she won't even tell us what's bothering her and we don't know what else to do. We're just afraid that she will starve to death or don't pass her exams." Harry looked at him gravely. "That is why I wanted to ask you if you maybe knew why Hermione is so depressed."

"What makes you think that I know her problem?" Dumbledore asked with a neutral expression.

Harry shrugged. "I sometimes have the feeling that you know everything that's going on in the castle," he admitted.

The headmaster chuckled lightly.

"And if you do, sir," the boy continued, "please try and help her. We only want our old Hermione back."

In that moment Dumbledore had to made a decision. He had separated Miss Granger and Severus for several reasons (impropriety, against the rules, etc.) but most of all because he had tried to protect her. He knew Severus long enough to fear for her innocence and safety… But now Miss Granger was wasting away before his own eyes!

Dumbledore sighed and finally made his decision: "Don't worry anymore, Harry. I know what to do."

The boy smiled suddenly, thanked him over and over and left the office with not even hope but absolute confidence in his doings.

Dumbledore merely hoped that the boy would never find out why Hermione was so depressed in the first place…


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Severus had done it – he had actually done it: He had asked out Charlotte of Avenham on a date. And he still hadn't figure out why the hell he had done it…

Marcus hadn't lied when he had described her to be intelligent, quiet and beautiful. She had long silky black hair and brilliant blue eyes, like sapphires. Besides, she was an excellent scholar in the field of potions. Her studies were fascinating and her ideas genius. To his surprise, she genuinely seemed to be interested in his persona and work. She wanted to know all about him, his teaching career, his potion researching, what were his tastes and pursuits, everything, and in such an elegant manner, too.

Marcus was indeed right: They would make an excellent match.

But there was one problem: Hermione… All evening long he compared Charlotte with Hermione, in both appearance and intellectuality and although he found Charlotte to be prettier and calmer in her manners (which was very much to his liking), she just wasn't his Hermione. Her eyes were not brown, her hair not bushy, and her remarks never feisty or teasing, which in his eyes made her somehow boring. Maybe this was the reason he agreed to the date in the first place – he wanted to find out what he thought about Hermione and if there maybe _could_ be someone else in his life…

"Severus?"

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked at his date. They were eating in a fine restaurant near London. "What?"

"I merely asked you if you wanted dessert," she repeated the unheard question.

"Um, no thank you."

She looked at him with sad eyes, while her hand on the table brushed lightly against his. "You're not enjoying yourself as much as I do, don't you?"

He sighed, took his hand away from hers and replied honestly: "I'm afraid not."

"May I ask why?" It didn't sound aggressive but rather hurt. "Don't you find me to your liking?"

He looked her in the eyes and said firmly: "No, it's not that. You seem to be a wonderful person and if circumstances were different I believe we would fit together perfectly." He gave her a small encouraging smile.

She mirrored his smile before asking quietly: "What circumstances?"

Severus gulped and then admitted for the first time, even to himself: "I have already given away my heart and I am quite certain that I shall never take it back…"

Charlotte nodded after a silent while, then stood up and took his hand into hers.

He looked at her confused but she gently told him: "I wish you every joy you can have, Severus, and I hope that this woman knows how lucky she is." She gave his hand a short squeeze, he smiled gratefully at her – and then she left the restaurant.

He remained for a few more minutes at their table, processing what had just happened, before paying their bill and leaving as well, back to Hogwarts, back to Hermione…


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Dumbledore was nervous – which didn't happen very often. But he knew that he had done something terribly wrong and now he had to try to remedy his fault. Anxiously he waited for a knock on his office door and when it finally came he breathed deeply in before welcoming his first guest. "Please sit down, Severus."

The Potions Master looked even more sourly than usually... "What do you want?" he spat without any greetings.

"I asked you to come because I wanted to talk about Miss Granger with you."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "And what about her?"

"Please answer me honestly," Dumbledore said severely. "Do you love her?"

"Yes, I do," he answered after a moment's pause.

"Not fancy her or find her attractive but real, genuine love?"

"Yes," he repeated annoyed. "Why?"

"You'll see."

Right on cue, there was a second knock on the door and Hermione entered. She looked very pale with dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was dull and it was obvious that she had lost weight. When she saw Severus she gasped in shock and wanted to retreat at once but Dumbledore stopped her.

"Come in, Miss Granger, it's alright."

Almost timidly she sat down on the chair next to Severus and didn't even dare to look at him although she'd love to. She missed him bitterly…

He on the other side mustered her concerned and then glared at Dumbledore.

"The reason I brought you both here," the headmaster began, "is because I want to discuss with you Miss Granger's current health."

Hermione's eyes only widened but Severus hissed: "You know perfectly well why she feels so miserable!"

"I do," admitted Dumbledore. "And I am willing to remedy what I have done." He sighed desperately. "I am dearly sorry for separating you both."

Severus and Hermione first looked shocked at the headmaster, then shortly at each other.

Dumbledore continued. "Let me explain my behaviour. Of course, a student-teacher-relationship is against the rules and many people would say morally improper. But there was more. I've known you, Severus, for a long time and I'm sorry to say this but I wasn't sure that you actually loved her."

Severus was too angry to reply anything, he merely clenched his teeth.

"I just wanted to protect her."

"Protect me… from him?" Hermione asked incredulously. "But there is nothing to fear. I know that he has a temper and can be rather unforgiving with his sarcasm but he would never deliberately hurt me." She looked directly at the man next to her. "I trust him completely."

Severus gulped in emotion.

"I can see that now," Dumbledore said, touched as well. "I now understand that you both truly love each other, and I am willing to untighten my prohibitions."

Hermione looked excited but Severus remained sceptical. "How exactly?" he wanted to know.

"Of course, I can't allow you to be together while Hermione is still a student – it is still against the rules! – but I will overlook some letter correspondence or some talking after lessons. But just talking!" He raised his eyebrows in severity. "Oh," he added with a smile, "and let's say if you were to go on Easter holidays, and … by chance … would be in the same place … I wouldn't say a single word about it."

Hermione's eyes sparkled with joyous tears and she grinned exceptionally wide (she had almost forgotten how to feel happy). "Thank you, Professor Dumbledore!" she exclaimed and it seemed as if she had already forgiven him.

Severus, on the other hand, didn't want to respond at all to his 'generosity' but nodded shortly, in the end, to get the headmaster's eyes off him.

Then Dumbledore dismissed them and they left the office.

When the door was closed, Severus mumbled: "Meddling, old fool…" under his breath but was taken aback in the next moment as Hermione flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly while still crying tears of joy.

Severus sighed happily, smiled and hugged her back, finally able to be near her again.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Piccadilly Circus was as loud and bustling as ever. Hermione stood near the statue in the middle of the plaza and waited for Severus, for he had written her that he would pick her up here.

It had been easy telling her friends that she would spend the holiday with her parents, and telling her parents that she would be at the Burrow. Harry and Ron hadn't suspected anything when she had said goodbye at King's Cross Station and had gone into the London streets on her own.

She suddenly felt a presence behind her and knew that it was him. She smiled and relaxed automatically.

"Good day, my dear," he whispered in her ear. "May I take you with me?"

She turned around and beamed at him. "I'd love to."

He returned her smile, then took her hand and brought her to a nearby alley which was completely deserted. There they disapparated.

Hermione was curious when she opened her eyes, for he didn't want to tell where they would go on their holidays. Now she found herself in front of a small cottage, almost hidden in the dunes, and behind it she saw the sea. It was sunny, there were seagulls above them and the sea waves rustled calmingly. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Severus gently tucked on her hand and brought her inside. It was small but wonderful cosy and tastefully decorated, with a red sofa in front of the chimney and a nearby kitchen and bedroom.

"Do you like it?" he wanted to know.

"I love it!" she exclaimed happily and flung her arms around his neck energetically. She couldn't believe that she was finally here – alone with him – and that he even wanted to spend his holidays with her. She looked him in the eyes and became suddenly nervous. She wanted to kiss him but they had never done that before – could she just do it now? Or wasn't this the right moment; should she wait?

When she saw him gulping with the same anxiety and nervousness in his eyes that she felt, she released them both by asking: "Do you want to take a walk with me at the beach?"

"Yes," he agreed relieved.

She took his hand in hers and together they made their way to the beach. They went into one direction, only metres away from the sea.

"Where are we exactly?" she wanted to know after a while.

"Cornwall," he replied. "Near Plymouth."

She looked around with sparkling eyes, letting the sun shine on her face and the wind rustling in her hair, taking in the salty ocean air. "It's wonderful here."

"I'm glad you like it. My grandparents once took me to the beach, not far from here, and it was the best holiday that I have ever spent."

She knew that his grandparents were already dead so she merely smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

They walked on in silence but it was a companionable silence.

Hermione suddenly had a thought that made her giggle slightly. She tried to imagine the faces of Harry and Ron and probably Ginny if they could see her walking along the beach and holding hands with their Potions professor. It was great to know that they were alone here, that no one could detect them, that even Dumbledore wouldn't say anything, that they were free…

Occasionally, she looked up into Severus' face, how even he seemed to enjoy the sun, how strands of his black hair got into his face and then behind his ears again. Yes, she found him definitely attractive, even more so when he returned her gaze and smiled at her. She managed only to blush a little and grin happily back.

It didn't seem real, it was more like a dream and she dearly hoped that she wouldn't wake up, at least not too soon.

When they returned to the cottage twilight was already approaching colouring the beach and the sea in beautiful red and orange shades. They decided to cook dinner and prepared a stew together in silence. It was like doing a Potion, for they also had to cut ingredients (in this case, however, carrots, potatoes, and other vegetables) and put them in the right moment into the boiling water.

While eating their delicious soup they discussed Hermione's NEWTs exams and she told him all about her learning system.

After dinner (and after having cleaned the dished with magic) they each read a book on the couch in front of the chimney fire.

For Hermione, it was difficult to concentrate with Severus sitting only a few inches away from her in this romantic atmosphere. When she re-read a sentence for the fourth time without grasping its meaning she gave up. Instead, she slid over to Severus and softly leaned at his side while still pretending to read.

He stiffened at first but relaxed again only a few seconds later. To probably both of their surprises he lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders.

She sighed happily and rested her head on his chest while he stroked gently over her back. They stayed like this for many minutes in complete silence, both books forgotten, and enjoyed this being together without having to worry about anything.

All this time, however, Hermione was trying to gather enough courage to make the next step. She wanted to kiss him with all her heart but was afraid of a possible rejection. What if he didn't want to kiss her? But on the other hand, he had even told Dumbledore that he would have kissed her on New Year's Eve…

She finally managed to sit up a bit, turn around and look him in the face.

He stared back at her with a worry line on his forehead.

She smiled lightly and stroked over it which made him relax and close his eyes. Her hand glided to his cheek, his nose, his chin and back to his cheek. Since his eyes were still closed and he looked more peaceful than she had ever seen him she tried to make this their moment. Slowly she leaned her head in his direction, staring anxiously at his eyes, and at last her lips met his lightly and she closed her eyes.

It took him a few seconds to respond to the kiss but soon his mouth moved with hers, his hands stroked over her cheek or through her hair.

She sighed in content and touched his silky hair. Just when she realised that this kiss was even better than she had ever imagined he stopped rather abruptly and freed his lips from her.

She blinked confusedly at first, then looked at him questioningly.

"There is something I need to tell you before we continue," he told her seriously.

She feared the worst but still nodded expectantly.

His gaze fell upon various objects of the room but never her face. "I… I had a date," he finally confessed.

Hermione swallowed. She didn't expect this at all… And it hurt, more than she wanted to admit. She hoped, however, that the circumstances were not as she feared so she asked calmly: "When?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

"Before or after Dumbledore forbid us to see each other?"

"After."

"Before or after Dumbledore allowed us to spend the holidays together?"

"Before."

She nodded absent-minded. That wasn't too bad, right? "With whom?"

"Charlotte of Avenham."

She frowned. "Who is she?"

"A member of the Potions Club."

She swallowed again – if this woman was a member of the Potions Club, this meant that she had to be great with the subject, doesn't it? Probably more knowledgeable than Hermione…

Remained only one question, the most important of it all. "Why?" she asked.

He sighed, still not looking at her. "Many different reasons. First, she was suggested to me by a very good friend of mine who constantly tries to marry me off… Second, I've not been on many dates before so my ego was proud to have someone interested in me. And third, I was curious and wanted to know what would happen."

"And what did happen?" She tried to ask as calmly and un-reproachfully as possible but it was difficult. What if he would tell her that he fell in love with this woman?!

He snorted. "I didn't go very well."

"Did you not like her?"

"No, that wasn't it. She was as beautiful and intelligent as described to me. But," he continued quickly and now for the first time since his mentioning the word _date_ he finally looked her in the eyes, "I wasn't very attentive to her because I had to think of you the whole time." He smiled slightly.

"You-You thought of me while having a date with a beautiful woman?!" she asked incredulously.

He nodded. "It was so obvious that she discontinued the date and left me."

Hermione grinned joyously and quickly flung her arms around him.

He hugged her firmly back, relieved that she wasn't angry with him. "I told her," he whispered into her ear, "that I had already given away my heart and that I was quite certain that I should never take it back."

That was too much joy in one moment, so tears formed themselves in Hermione's eyes. She looked at him once more and with only an ounce of nervous hesitation she kissed him again, more fiercely and passionate than before, and she was overfilled with happiness when he responded in quite the same way.

What now followed was one of the most wonderful weeks that Hermione had ever had. They walked along the beach, cooked together, read in silent companionship, cuddled in front of the chimney, talked about anything and everything that came into their minds, got to know each other even better – and kissed whenever possible.

He told her that it was easier for him to be completely honest with her and talk about his feelings than with any other person he had ever met, including Dumbledore, Lily and his mother, and she had smiled at this and kissed him with all her love.

He had also asked her why she knew when his birthday had been, and she had told him how she found Eileen Prince in the Prophet, next her marriage announcement and then his birth announcement.

"Is it possible that you know the library better than Madame Pince?" he had asked her mockingly.

"I certainly hope so," she had laughed back.

They had also slept together in one bed although there had been another room and bed in the attic, for they wanted to have as much time with the other as possible given the fact that they were only allowed this week… However, they didn't even try to have sex. Not yet, anyway. Without even talking about it they both had the feeling that it would have been too soon and that they should wait. It was, after all, a very new situation for both of them and though they tried to hide it they were quite nervous. And, although they didn't care this week and very often forgot, they _were_ still student and professor…

Unfortunately, everything must end, also this delightful week. Sadly, they packed their things, took one last stroll at the beach, looked at the magnificent cottage, held hands – and disapparated.

They appeared again in the small alley next to Piccadilly Circus.

She looked up at him trying not to cry.

"Your train is leaving in an hour," he said matter-of-factly although she could see that their farewell was hard for him, too. "That should be enough time for you to get to King's Cross Station."

She could only nod.

"Come here," he whispered and put his arms around her.

The tears fell down her cheek, leaving watermarks on his black robes, and a sob left her throat occasionally.

"We'll write each other letters," he tried to soothe her, rubbing her back. "We'll see each other in class. It's only a few more weeks before you're no student anymore." In fact, it was over two months but that sounded worse.

She nodded, trying to be a responsible adult instead of a disappointed child. "Yes, I know," she finally said, taking deep breaths and wiping the tears away. "Yes, we'll see each other and write letters and soon I'll have my NEWTs." She even managed to smile at him.

He nodded. Then he leaned forward and whispered into her ear: "I love you." It was the first time he said it.

"I love you, too," she replied quickly and kissed him.

He soon freed himself from her, leaning his forehead against hers. "Goodbye," he said quietly. "I'll see you at dinner."

She nodded, new tears beginning to fill her eyes.

He stepped a few steps back and with one last loving smile at her, he disapparated.

When he was gone the tears and sobs began anew and all the way to King's Cross Station she didn't care that the other underground passengers regarded her with questioning or annoyed glances. Only when she arrived at Platform 9 3/4 and met with Harry, Ron, and Ginny, she tried to compose herself. It was easy to concentrate on their lively chatter and be consumed by their joy and excitement as they told her all about their holidays at the Burrow.

But as soon as the tale was told, the food was brought and it became still in the compartment Hermione was alone with her thoughts. She looked out of the window and tried to remember every little detail of the past week because she knew the next time she would see Severus again they would be professor and student once more and the last week would seem like nothing more than a wonderful dream…


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Hermione had known that it would be difficult to see him in class and in the Great Hall without even being allowed to smile at him – but it was still hard. Lucky for her the NEWT exams came closer with every day and so she obsessed herself with learning (nothing out of the ordinary for her) to distract herself from thinking of him… Her only hope was the letters that they wrote each other (calling each other only "dear" and "love" in case someone else might read them…). In these, they spoke of their love for each other and remembered their shared week together. Every time Hermione missed him or doubted that he would wait for her she would read his letters, smile and cry at the same time, and then nod with a new resolve to wait and not risk her expulsion or his dismissal, for Dumbledore had still a sharp eye on them.

At the end of May, however, something grand happened that would change the wizarding world for the better.

Harry had received a notice from Dumbledore and they went off for one of their missions – apparently, they wanted to explore an offside cave where Voldemort might have hidden a secret laboratory or something this sinister.

Like always Hermione stayed in the Common Room waiting for her best friend to return safely. Ron eventually went to bed reassuring her that nothing terrible would happen because Dumbledore was with him, but Ginny stayed with her in front of the fireplace. At first, they talked to distract themselves but after a while they grew silent, both trapped in their own dark thoughts, and finally, they fell asleep on their respective sofas.

It was a few hours later that someone shook Hermione's shoulder so that she awoke with a start. She looked around and found the grinning face of Professor Lupin.

"Remus!" she shouted surprised and woke Ginny thereby. "What are you doing here?"

"It's over", he smiled. "It's finally over!"

"What's over?" Ginny asked irritated.

"The war. Voldemort. Everything."

Hermione and Ginny exchanged a shocked glance.

"Well, it seems no one informed you", Remus chuckled. "I was wondering why you weren't there."

"There was a battle?" Hermione shrieked having combined the information logically.

"Never mind that", Ginny interrupted them with a dismissive wave of her hand and stood up. "Where is Harry?"

"Oh, he was amazing. He killed Voldemort as if he wasn't afraid," Remus chatted lightly. "But of course, he had to be afraid. I mean, I was terrified and-" He stopped when he saw Ginny's face.

"Where – is – Harry?" she repeated with more force, slowly getting closer to the werewolf.

Remus apparently had seen the threat in her eyes. "He's in the Hospital Wing", he replied stunned. "But he's fine!" he added quickly when he saw the girls' scared faces.

Ginny was already at the door when Hermione timidly asked: "And the rest? Who else was involved? And are they okay?" Her most concern was about Severus but she couldn't just ask that...

"Most of the Order was there although I tried to leave Tonks at home but as always she wouldn't listen to me. It is a wonder that no one died and most of us have only minor injuries. It was good that we had the moment of surprise with us – most Death Eaters didn't know what hit them. I think everyone is fine. Well, except for Severus..."

Hermione's heart cramped. "What happened to him?!"

Remus looked at her confused given her desperate tone but answered calmly: "He got stung by a few hexes and curses. Apparently, some of the Death Eaters wanted him even more dead than Harry or Dumbledore when they found out that he had been our spy all along... He's also in the Hospital Wing."

Remus hadn't even finished his sentence when Hermione ran to the door and all the way to the Hospital Wing. Her thoughts tumbled and she feared the worst. What if he was badly injured? What if he couldn't use magic anymore or lost a limb – or had forgotten her? And what if he would…

 _No!_ she thought resolutely. He was _not_ going to die!

She burst through the grand doors of the Hospital Wing panting heavily. It was rather full and seemed more like a victory party than a hospital at the moment.

"Hermione!" Tonks shouted joyfully and hugged her. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Yes, yes", Hermione replied absent-mindedly while searching for long, black hair. She found short one instead and ran to him. "Harry!" She embraced him as if he had been gone for years, and long hold back tears started to run over her cheek. "I'm glad you're fine but why didn't you tell us? We could have helped you!" She looked him firmly in the eye.

"Yes, Harry, why?" Ginny added and the girls both stared at him angrily.

"Well," Harry gulped nervously. "I know you don't want to hear it but I didn't want to endanger you. Nor Ron. So I made everyone promise that you three wouldn't know anything about this mission until it was over."

It seemed as if Ginny would explode any second but when Harry looked at her with doe eyes and whispered: "I love you", all her anger melted away and she kissed him fiercely.

Hermione smiled at this sight when she remembered Severus. She looked around and found Dumbledore talking to Kingsley. Eagerly she went to him and interrupted his speech with a firm: "Where is he?"

Dumbledore understood her at once. He excused himself from Kingsley and led her to an extra room at the end of the Wing. In there Madame Pomfrey hushed over an unconscious body laying on a bed.

"Severus," Hermione whispered shocked when she saw his pale face. She staggered to his side and kneeled in front of him taking his hand into hers.

Madame Pomfrey stared at the young girl holding the Potions Master's hand but Dumbledore cleared his throat and announced: "That's alright."

Obviously confused but not arguing with the Headmaster, the Medi Witch continued to wave a carpet of magic over her patient.

Hermione wanted to ask a thousand questions but she couldn't muster up her courage to ask any of them in fear of a negative answer. Instead, she stroked over his cheek and held his hand.

Dumbledore then did her the favour by asking calmly: "Poppy, how is he?"

Still irritated by Hermione's behaviour the matron replied: "Well, he got hit by an unfortunate concoction of spells. But now I've disentangled and dissolved them all at last, so he should wake up in a few minutes." She nodded satisfied, then eyed the Headmaster sternly. "Albus, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Of course, Poppy." He didn't want to explain the exceptions he had made for Hermione and Severus but knew that the Medi Witch would not stop bothering him until she was satisfied that one of her little protégées was well cared for…

Hermione meanwhile hadn't even noticed that the two had left. After Madame Pomphrey's confirmation that Severus would be alright, she had looked into his face, stroking through his hair and over his cheek, and waiting expectantly for him to wake up.

It took him only some more minutes before he did so, but when he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Hermione's angelic smile he suddenly felt so happy he didn't know how to respond. Fortunately, it was she who reacted at first by shouting his name in relieve and hugging him firmly.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" she sobbed into his neck.

Slowly he patted her on the back. He then knew he wouldn't die, at least not anymore, but his limbs ached from the straining night and his injuries. "I'm glad you're here," he whispered. "I thought I would die…"

She looked at him, grinning and crying at the same time, stroking his cheek once more. "Of course, I'm here. As soon as Remus told us, I ran here and waited for you to wake up. I can't believe the war is over!"

"It's… it's over?" he stammered incredulously. It seemed he had passed out before the end of the battle.

"Yes, Harry apparently killed Voldemort and most Death Eaters were either killed, captured or fled." Suddenly her mood changed, when remembering something. "Well, what do I know? I haven't been at the battle!" she told him sourly.

He looked at her sincerely. "I know you would have wanted to be there and help us but to be honest, when Potter wanted to exclude you and Weasley I didn't try to change his mind."

"And why is that? Don't you think me capable enough to fight in a real battle?"

"Of course, I think you're capable enough. It's just…" He took her hand into his and stroked over it. "It's just… I love you. And I could not have lived with myself if something had happened to you. Besides," he quickly added when Hermione wanted to object, "I couldn't have concentrated knowing you might be in danger. And Potter as well… For once we understood each other perfectly."

Hermione looked at him for a moment, then sighed in defeat. "Well, what can I say to that?"

"That you love me, too?" he prompted.

She chuckled about his cheekiness. "Yes, I love you." Smiling she climbed next to him into the bed and put her head carefully on his chest.

To her surprise, he didn't discourage her although people could just waltz into the room at any time. Apparently, he seemed to be too glad to be by her side again (and not dead) that he didn't care.

Falling asleep had never been easier.

It was at the next morning that their happy bliss ended when Madame Pomphrey entered the room, cleared her throat loudly and announced strictly: "I am supposed to tell you from the Headmaster – and I must add that I totally approve – that this night was an absolute exception!"

Hermione and Severus looked at each other and composed a similar sad sigh that meant: "We know…"


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

It was a warm night in June as Hermione walked from the library towards the Gryffindor Common Room. She had used the last several days to cram as much as possible into her head for the final NEWTs exams, and she had used the library because there had been no peace in the Common Room: it had seemed that every student had a question only she could answer… After snapping at Seamus, that he could just read up the answer himself, she had made the library her new sanctuary…

It was almost curfew – the large corridors dark except for the moonlight and some torches –, but she as a prefect had nothing to worry. And even if she weren't a prefect, no teacher would take away house points for staying too late in the library, especially so close to the finals… Well, Filch would, of course.

"You're out late," someone suddenly said, and Hermione shrieked gripping her wand at once. But it was only Blaise Zabini.

"What do you want?" she asked hostile. The Slytherin had never been friendly to her, well he hadn't been mean, either, he had done nothing at all, to be honest, but he _was_ a Slytherin and close friend to Draco Malfoy – that was enough for her.

"Please, put your wand away," Blaise said while raising his hands in the air. "I mean no harm."

Reluctantly, she obliged, the wand still looking out of her pocket, so she could reach for it quickly, and her eyes still warily on the Slytherin.

"What do you want?" she asked again, already sounding unnerved.

Blaise came closer to her, so close that Hermione stepped back, only to realise that there was already a column. "Hermione," he breathed into her face. "You know why I'm here."

She frowned. "Why would I know? We've never even talked to each other before."

Now it was his time to look confused. "But surely, you must have seen my gazes towards you lately."

Hermione thought about it but she had never given him enough attention to recognise any gaze, he was just another Slytherin student, a quiet one above all. Unnoticeable, almost invisible. "No, I didn't."

"Oh, Hermione," Blaise sighed while taking one of her curly hair strands into his hand, twirling it gently. "But then you must feel the chemistry between us. The spark, the electricity here and now."

Hermione appalled. She finally understood where he was going and she definitely didn't want to go with him… She tried to free her hair, but Blaise merely took her hand into his, stroking it with his thumb.

"Blaise," she started trying to reason with him. "I don't feel the same way about you."

He looked at her hurt. "That can't be. How could that be? I've seen the way you look at me. You want me as much as I want you."

Apparently, he was disillusioned, Hermione thought. "No, I don't want you," she stated calmly. "I already love someone else."

He pondered this. "It's Potter, isn't it? Or Weasley? Well, I can show you how much better I am than them."

She shook her head and tried to free her hand.

Suddenly there was a fierce determination in his eyes. "Oh, yes, I will," he said, grabbed her head with both hands and put his lips forcefully on hers.

Hermione shrieked which Blaise apparently took as an invitation. She tried to get off of him, but he was too strong. She closed her eyes and tears welled in her eyes, as she imagined what else he could do to her. In all her shock she had completely forgotten about her wand.

It wasn't long, however, not even half a minute, although it felt longer, before Blaise was forcefully thrown from her.

When she opened her eyes, she saw Severus, more furious than she had ever seen him, and Blaise cowering below him, with fear in his eyes.

For a while they only looked at each other, waiting for the explosion that had to follow. Finally, Severus whispered in his deadliest voice: "50 points from Slytherin for assaulting a fellow student. And if I were you, Mr Zabini, I would from now on not even look at her. Understood?"

Blaise nodded afraid.

Severus released him with force. "Now go," he belled, and the boy ran away.

The Potions Master turned to Hermione and came cautiously nearer. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, and then flung herself into his arms, crying at his chest. Finally, the shock was over and the tears could flow.

"Shh," Severus comforted her, stroking over her hair, holding her firmly. "It's over now. And soon this can never happen again. Next week we can tell everyone that you belong to me and then no one will dare to touch you, I can promise you that."

Hermione nodded, wiped the tears away and looked at him. "Will you do me a favour?"

"What is it?"

"Could you kiss me, please?"

Severus understood at once. "Don't worry, I'll kiss him away."

She smiled slightly as he captured her lips with his. It was not the passionate kiss they both had craved for, but instead one full of love, protection, and comfort, and soon all thoughts of Blaise were a mere shadow in the land of memories.

Sighing, Severus stopped, leaning his forehead against hers. "I'd love to continue, but we're in the middle of a corridor."

Hermione's eyes widened and she quickly stepped back. "Do you think Dumbledore knows?" she asked fearing the consequences for their improper behaviour.

Severus merely shrugged. "If he does, I'll explain."

She nodded, still uneasy.

"Come on, let's take you to your Common Room." Together they went along the corridors, both silent and in their thoughts, but it was a companionable silence and felt natural to them. The possibility of spending the rest of their lives together became more real with every day that they managed to work this out.

Too soon they reached the Fat Lady who eyed them surprisingly.

"Here we are, Miss Granger," Severus said in his stern teacher's voice, but Hermione understood.

"Thanks for escorting me, professor," she smiled.

"Well then, I wish you a good night and good luck for tomorrow." Whispering, so that the Fat Lady couldn't hear them, he added: "Not that you'll need it" and winked.

Hermione beamed, waved at him and vanished through the portrait hole.

The following day was the Potions exam, and then there was only Arithmancy, Charms and History of Magic, and then there finally was her graduation – and they both would be free. For a second she started to imagine everyone's reaction, especially Harry's and Ron's – and oh no, her parents'! – but she shook the thoughts away. It didn't matter as long as she was together with Severus…

* * *

The next morning everything was in a blur. Later she could vaguely remember Harry encouraging her to eat something at breakfast, but she had no recollection how she got to the Potions Classroom, when suddenly an official grader from the Ministry addressed them, told them not to cheat and wished them good luck.

Only when she saw Severus secretly winking at her, she started to focus and the next hour and a half she had her best concentration in brewing a perfect Living Death.

"It's over," Ron chanted as they walked out of the Potions classroom – for the last time.

It was only then that Hermione realised that - well not officially but it felt to her that way – Severus wasn't her teacher anymore. Never would she sit in another Potions lesson with him, write essays for him or answer his questions in class. It saddened her a bit but she knew that it also opened new possibilities. And she sensed that if she would ask him he would lecture her about potions as long as she liked…


End file.
